Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
