All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
