It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it hurts more in the daytime
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
