yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
