I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dick has a subreddit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
