Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
