me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
