Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
