he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
