I wannas sexs uuuuu
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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