2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
