smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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