Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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