Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
