Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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