Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
