Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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