Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
