Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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