Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm both gender and math confused
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