I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
