i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You can't special order awesome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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