If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
