So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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