I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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