I cannot find my penis.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we're so committed to being not committed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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