After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
