Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
