No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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