Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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