I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
