clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
