turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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