i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Panties = found
Randomize
