I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
