I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
