I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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