Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
