I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
