Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
