My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
