I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
