My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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