Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
