I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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