Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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