It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
