dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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