I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
