I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
