it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
